Gue pertama kali pacaran saat kelas 2 SMP, jadian sama... sebut aja Frances. Awal kenal dia, sebenarnya udah dari kelas 5 SD, lewat nicksplat.com lalu kita tukeran email, chatting, beberapa tahun kemudian kita tukeran nomer HP terus SMSan, ketemu sekali, jadian deh. Frances ini blasteran. Bokapnya Perancis, nyokapnya asli Indonesia. Sekolah di sekolah internasional Perancis. Badannya tinggi dan gede, kulit putih, rambut coklat-coklat merah, pakai kacamata.
Frances adalah fase dimana gue percaya gue bakal seterusnya bahagia karena dia adalah pacar pertama gue, orang pertama yang benar-benar suka sama gue dan gue pun juga begitu. We both believe in happy ever after. We both believe in everlasting love. Sungguh masa-masa yang sangat memalukan hahaha *facepalm* Gue bahkan lupa kenapa gue mau sama orang ini. He flirted with lies, like dulu dia pernah bilang dia mimpi kalau kita lagi lihat sunset di pantai terus kita ciuman and he was like "it was perfect".
begonya gue baru sadar kalau itu bullshit karena mimpi ga ada yang benar, semua mimpi pasti absurd, kayak dulu pembokat gue mimpiin Trio Rocket Pokemon muncul di mimpinya sampai dia ngigau "Jessie! James! Meowth!". Tapi ya, karena dulu kita masih kecil, pasti kita pakai cara apa aja biar si dia tertarik kan? Apart from that, yang bikin kita ga cocok adalah karena sebenarnya gue suka mancing-mancing berantem. Contoh, gue tiba-tiba nangis terus nyalahin dia dengan segala alasan, sampai dia akhirnya meminta maaf dengan amat sangat baru gue anggap selesai :D
Kita cuma bertahan lima bulan, dan selama lima bulan ini gue sempat diputusin pas bulan ke empat, lewat SMS, lupa kenapa. Tiga hari kemudian kita balikan karena dia masih sayang, lalu putus lagi sebulan berikutnya karena dia udah ga tahan lalalaaaa. Sebulan-dua bulan setelah gue jadian sama pacar kedua gue, dia kontak gue dan dia bilang kalo dia nyesel mutusin gue *Facepalm* dodol sih mutusin gue. Jujur, gue senang karena saat itu gue udah dapat pacar yang lebih baik dari dia.
Dua tahun setelah putus, tau-tau dia dapat cewek 6 tahun di atas dia and I was like what!? Pacaran sama gue yang lebih tua 7 bulan aja udah kayak apa gimana 6 tahun. Dia pernah curhat ke gue mau putus soalnya dia masih bandingin pacar sama mantan terus gue bilang putus aja, dan hari itu juga beneran diputusin! Eh beberapa minggu kemudian balikan lagi. Lalu gue yang kayak 'he has not changed a bit'. Labil. Siang ini, out of nowhere, dia nulis message FB ke gue:
I need to talk to you about something. I finally had the guts to open the book you gave me when we broke up and read it (after 3 years). I apologize. The problem with me was that I was growing too much in my head and wanting to act 20 where I was 13. I just felt like I didn't want to hurt you but I couldn't be with you because I was scared that the changes to me would destroy us even more. I couldn't bare to see that.
I ran away Zahira, when I should have just confronted my feelings. I lost someone I cared so much for and that killed me. What I look for in a girl now, is honesty. I don't need her to come over to my house every week, or hold my hand every second. I just need a girl who can understand me and my flaws, me and my thoughts. And I've opened up to 2 women that just took my heart and threw it in the trash.
I'm saying this now because I'm going through some things that are really hurting me and I want to tell everyone how much they mean to me. You meant a lot to my childhood Zahira (my first girlfriend, my first date, the first time I thought about feelings..) and now I just hope you can understand that the kid that broke up with you is an idiot and that he grew up to be a "great" man because of you. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I was hurt too. I regret it so bad because I think you and I could have been something amazing but that's life you know?..
Anyways, sorry for bothering you with this. I just needed to let it out.
Lalu gue berpikir, buku apa yang gue kasih ke dia? (dan sekarang, baru aja gue inget kayaknya gue pas valentine ngasih dia diary, berharap dia mau balikan sama gue. Yes, apparently I'd do anything for a guy in crucial times). Tapi, gue 'unyu unyu' bacanya. Lalu, gue bales kayak gini:
Wow, that was nice of you to write all of these stuff, thank you. It means a lot. Well, we made mistakes in the past and it really eventually what makes us a better person. We learn from our mistakes and simply move on to a new chapter, a new phase in our lives. Things weren't really working out with us and that's okay, because that's life. We move on, date some douche/bitch, break up, move on and on and on again until we find 'the one'. There's someone out there that's going to be your one and only, and she's trying to get to you as fast as she can. You'll get there, and by then you'll be a happy grown man.
Unyu juga kan? Hahaha. Frances was my first mistake. And like I said, we learn from our mistakes and move on to a new chapter.
Stay tune for the coming posts about my life, my love story, silly events and thoughts, things I want to share, etc. :)